Mari: So Etsuko, I've vaguely heard of INCAF, and always thought it stood for “I'm Nearing Craziness, Accredited to Family”. Apparently, it stands for something else. Can you please tell me more?
Etsuko: Here is a little bit of background on International Network for Children and Families (INCAF) and Redirecting Children’s Behavior(RCB): This course was designed by Kathryn Kvols over 30 years ago based on Dr. Rudolf Dreikurs, one of America's foremost child psychiatrists’ book, “Children: The Challenge”. Since its creation, the International Network for Children and Families (INCAF), created by Kathryn Kvols, has trained and certified over 1000 instructors. My husband and I took the RCB course right before we had our second baby, and were so impressed by this technique that I wanted to master it. I decided to become an instructor, got certified by INCAF, and I have been the teaching program in San Diego since 2008.
M: Hmmmm...sound like a class that would take take me a year to complete. I mean, have you *seen* my children?
E: It’s a total of 12.5 hours of instruction, and I usually offer it in a once a week course for 5 weeks format. In many cases, both parents attend the course, which makes lots of sense, but even if one parent is taking the class, the students can see the difference in their household. I also have many clients who live overseas, so I offer a lot of coaching over the phone.
E: Actually, one of the mothers who took my course told me that even after the first week, she saw a difference in her son’s behavior. She said “I stopped nagging and yelling for the most part. Then I noticed that my 8 year old son really wanted to do play and read stories with me, but my yelling and nagging prevented him from approaching me. I realized that it was actually redirecting my behavior; when I looked at my own behavior and redirected it, my son has changed also”. The core of “Redirection” is that we shift our way of thinking. Instead of seeing a child’s misbehavior as “bad”, we consider it as “child is communicating”. Our job as parents is to figure out what they are trying to communicate, and guide them and teach them appropriate ways to get their needs met. “Redirection” is a tricky word (even trickier to translate into Japanese), but it means to change their directions – from inappropriate ways to appropriate ways.
M: Don't you wish you knew these strategies back when we were in grad school, so you could have better dealt with my childish behavior (messiness, whining, etc.)?
M: Anyway....so this all makes a lot of sense. Now how can learn more about how to redirect myself and subsequently my kids behavior? I have to admit, some days I just don't know who's doing the majority of the yelling – my kids or me! (e.g. Me: “We're late! Get in the van! Get in the van!” Them: “Nooo!!! I have to pick a flower/look at this rock/find a stick first!” Me: "NOW! NOW! NOW!")
E: I’m very excited to meet with the members (of Gemini Crickets), as I KNOW this going to be a fun evening where we can all learn and share techniques for effective parenting in a very supportive, non-judgmental environment.
Please join Etsuko Tsukagoshi for her very informative presentation on Redirecting Children's Behavior at our next Gemini Crickets meeting on Friday June 7 at the Camden Library Community Room.
Original post to Mad About Multiples. For additional information about this members only meeting, please see our website. For information about joining Gemini Crickets POM of Silicon Valley, see our membership page.
For more information about Etsuko's parenting class & coaching services, visit the My Peaceful Family website.